It appears my strategy is working. You might not have noticed, dear Diary, but I can make myself very irritating at times. [The Editor would pass comment here but he's too busy choking on his Tim Tam.] Frustrated and not a little sorry she brought me here in the first place, Mrs. Wells left to deal with some new characters who've had the ill luck to cross her path. My message to those unfortunates is RUN! Do not walk, in the other direction!!
But I fear it is too late. Mrs. Wells informed me that in order for a romance to have a tortured hero, someone must apply the thumbscrews. There was a light in her eye that I did not like. I feel a desperate sympathy for the unknown wretch who now falls under her displeasure, but in this bizarrely luxurious prison I can do nought. And I confess, I am too concerned with my own attempts at escape.
These have been unsuccessful as you might have guessed, since I still languish here writing on this lapd...top(!). Sven has learned his lesson after my last ill-fated attempt to elude him. He is not at all as stupid as he looks, which has been a profound disappointment. But perhaps he might be susceptible to bribes. Every man has his weakness, after all . . . [Sven has my sincere sympathies.~Ed.]
Suggestions for appropriate bribes gratefully received! [I tremble at the thought of where this will lead. Too much to hope that wiser heads will prevail, I suppose.~Ed.]